Authors Note- This poem was someting that I had a personal connection to. I was experimenting with different patterns and ways of repetition in poems. I tried to evoke the strong emotion to the reader in the poem.Into the ring of fire
Where oxygen and friction meet
Where electric blue flames dance elegantly
And where death is closer than it seems.
Into the ring of fire
When time is slowly ticking away
When beauty is ugly
And when life meets death.
There is something wrong with the things that I think
The things that I do
And I spend each day
Waiting...
Waiting...
For them to go away.
But they won't
The thoughts
The actions
They stay
And never will they leave.
Like tiny fires inside my head
They stay
Until they fully melt away.
But even then
A mark is left in my heart
And there it will always stay
With the memories
Of the hard times.
There is a hole
In the deep of my heart,
In the heart of the fire
That is my flesh and blood
Where it will always be
And will always stay.
Wow! That was awesome! I really like how you said they stay and repeated it a few times, it really helped the flow. I have nothing for you to work on, good job smelly:)
ReplyDeletewow that was really good! i loved it and i dont have anything to say exept after you stopped talking about the fire and started talking about you it was a tiny bit confusing, but nothing bad, good job!
ReplyDeleteI loved that poem! Really really creative!!! LIke natalie said it flowed really well.
ReplyDeleteDid that just come from random? Because I really enjoyed reading it, and for some reason I could tell that you wrote it too! Overall, nice job;l I LOVED IT!
ReplyDeleteI really like this poem! I loved your fourth verse "the thoughts, the actions, they stay" it really added dramatics to your poem and all in all a really good poem!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely poem -- so passionate and driven. I love the use of words, the purposeful composition. Don't ever stop writing poetry.
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome! Like Natalie and Katelyn said it flowed really well. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteThat was an amazing poem. It wasn't hard to follow or anything. It was mainly like "whoa."
ReplyDeleteI thin that it was really well written and it was very strong and powerful but it was still gentle and meaningful. Really nice poem.
ReplyDeleteThat was sooo good. I love the picture you found to go with it, it fits perfectly. I feel like you had another meaning under it and worked perfectly!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really pretty poem. You used great repetition in it!
ReplyDeleteThat was... sheer poetry, I think you have great talent as a poet, that sounded professional
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything Brad said. It evoked emotion and made me think, two signs of a good poem. I really can't see how it could be improved.
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