Rain; its loud yet calming patter on the roof as it begins to pour down. You look out through the window to see rain descending in beautiful glimmering sparkles. There is a sudden urge to grab your yellow raincoat and galoshes and go sloshing through the puddles and twirling around in endless circles.
Nothing can beat the feeling; the feeling of dancing with the tiny droplets of water as they caress elegantly around your body, down your cheeks, through you hair, and of course on your tongue. It's enough to make you stop in your tracks, tilt your chin to the sky, into the rain, up to where all of the droplets are coming from, and think of nothing but Mother Nature, far above, pouring down on us all, the water that she has to offer, to make our lives green and luscious.
As you lie in bed, you think about what happened that day, think about what tomorrow will be like, wonder if you're going to have sweet dreams. You think about these things while slowly dozing off into a deep sleep listening to the steady calming beat of the rain falling down.
That is really poetic. I like the reflection in the last paragraph.
ReplyDeleteThat was really pretty and well written. I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteWow! That was very good and I know that because it made me really thirsty. I love your repitition and I find it really hard to pull repitition into my stories.
ReplyDeleteThat is a very good poem. You used a lot of action words that really made me feel like I was actually there. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteYeah Alyssa that was really good and I also liked the repetition with 'sloshing' and 'galoshes' or whatever it was. It was also really cool when you made all of your connections. Nice job :)
ReplyDeleteWOW! thats really good i felt like i was in a neighboring house watching, listening, feeling.
ReplyDeleteAlyssa you have such a old voice! wait- i mean mature, haha not likee old. ok so anyway I think a fictional story from you would be really good!
ReplyDeleteThis was really good and you captured that moment really well.
ReplyDeleteWow this is really good. I like your descriptive words.
ReplyDeleteI like it! It's very descriptive and organized. It makes me feel like I was actually there. I absolutely love the rain, so this made me happy.
ReplyDeleteThat was really good it gives a really picture.
ReplyDeleteThat was outstanding!!! I love that you added the picture on to it.
ReplyDeleteYou know how sometimes when you hear something, it puts a picture in your head, but it's not like the kind of picture you can put on paper? This is kind of like that. I like this poem. It makes me WANT it to rain. And I HATE rain!
ReplyDeleteI love the sounds; you are really conscious of word choice for affect and that's a mature skill. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteWow I got a really clear picture in my head from your descriptions. Very well writen!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow Alyssa, great job.. like everyone else said, you create a picture in your writing very well. Your sentences flow and are poetic, keep up the good work. :D Thing I could possibly think of to correct is try putting in commas for some of your "ands".. Otherwise awesome job.. I can honestly say after reading this I wanted to learn how to craft my sentences like that.. :D
ReplyDeleteThis is reallly good. The way you crafted your sentences, like everyone said, gave you a really clear picture of what you were talking about. You made something as small as a raindrop seem huge because you were so descriptive. I agree with Olivia though, that you could maybe add commas instead of using ands. But other than that great job :)
ReplyDeleteThanks guys it seems like everyone likes this. Its funny, I wrote this in the beginning of the year as my syntax paper and it seems like I'm not writing as well as I was then. My writing structure has improved a little but I wrote with so much feeling before, and I think I'm starting to lose that. What should I do?
ReplyDeleteCommenting on what you just said, "What should I do?" I think that you should go back and look at some of your really good pieces form the begining of the year and use it to inspire you and maybe it will bring back some of your poeticness. well this comment may not be to your use anymore because you wrote that comment like in December, but ohhhh well! This piece sure did inpire me!
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